Why I dance

 Below is a recent reflection I shared on instagram which I felt I also wanted to share on here as it seems to be part of my reflective journey.

 

Why do I dance?

Recently I asked my students why they dance. I gave them a sheet of paper and they wrote and drew all the reasons why they love to dance. It was beyond touching to see the incredible impact dance is having on their lives.

So today I share with you why I dance.

I dance because for me it is the bridge of connection to others. It is the most expressive way I have found to connect fully with the world around me.

It is a celebration of life, of the highs as well as the lows. When I can't find the words, dance can somehow express what I am trying to say.

It connects me beyond the here and now to something much deeper which doesn't necessarily need to be understood, it is simply the feeling that we are all interconnected and part of something far greater than ourselves.

I have lived my life through this art form and even when I felt I wouldn't be able to dance again during injury and illness it somehow kept finding me and healing me.

Now more than ever I realise that my calling has always been to share dance with as many people as I can who may not otherwise be able to access it.

I didn't have a conventional journey, in fact it was extremely unconventional all the way. I kept going time after time when it would have been much easier to give up. Why? Because I have so much love for this art form and I believe it is my mission to share that with others.

Nothing worthwhile in life comes easily it takes so much consistency and perseverance every day.

I don't tick all the boxes, never have but I keep working each day to improve and try to use what I do have to the best of my abilities.

I am truly living my dream if I reach people even in a small way and inspire or move them with dance.

Grateful for all the people that this art form continues to connect me with. From colleagues, employers, teachers, students to fellow freelancers, children and collaborators and audience members. Thank you for enriching my life.

Reaching people through dance, the true highlights of a career

 For the last few weeks I have been engaging in some very fulfilling community dance performances.

First of all dancing at different schools across London as the Sugar Plum Fairy, surprising lots of little children by popping up in their classes. In total I performed 15 sugar plum fairy solos (adapted to suit any floor and any space) and improvised with the children afterwards. Some classes were pure magic and seemed to be totally emersed in the experience. What is fascinating for me to witness is how the children are able to do much harder movements than they perhaps would in their regular classes because they are so focused and are following me. It is like creating a special magic atmosphere in which they can learn. Yet some classes do not reach this same level of focus. Perhaps because in some classes the children are already unfocused and so when I enter I am not so much at my ease and this may affect may connection to the. But I am still exploring exactly what makes some of these classes so magical and some not.

Then I travelled to Wales to work with The Ballet Pod. The family business which has now been going for 15 years and has given local performances every year over this time. We had a bookshop event, a community gala performance, a performance in a hospital and a performance in a care home.

In the middle of this was the submission deadline for my essay. It was crazy and there was little sleep that went on to be completely honest!

Yet it has been extremely rewarding. I worked for 15 days straight and am now taking a much needed rest.

But I want to reflect a little on some of the most significant moments and realisations from the last few weeks.

I first started performing with The Ballet Pod when I was 12 years old although it began unofficially when I was 10. Now as I look back at that time I realise how incredibly special it was to have that opportunity. It is very unusual t have a family business of entertainers and this has been very special to grow up with but also brought many challenges with it. We work together which means I have always found it very hard to shut down from work at the end of the day. It is challenging to ensure you keep the same respect for those you are so close to as you would any other colleague. It is difficult to get the tone of voice right, not too formal, not too familiar. But performing alongside my siblings also means that there can be total connection as we know each other so well.

However, the biggest realisation I have had has been that I was under a huge amount of pressure from a very young age and I did not have the skills to cope with that pressure. From the age of 14 I was teaching classes to myself, my siblings and later other children. I was in charge of costume organisation and inventories. Made all the headdresses for the company. Alongside this I was still taking my exams and doing academics. It was a lot and there were many lessons learned through that time. On returning this Christmas my duties were extended further due to staff shortages for various reasons. My responsibilities include teaching company class, teaching class and rehearsal and setting choreography for the children participating in our performance, sewing and creating costumes, fitting them, creating headdresses and sorting programming and administration and social media marketing. Rolling out, rolling up and carrying dance floor, writing out music cues and sending them through to the sound crew. Negotiating lighting and simple set up. rehearsal and performance scheduling. On top of this I have to get up and dance full pas de deuxs, solos and group dances, quick changes between each.

When I look at all this I realise that it is actually a huge amount but somehow when doing it I just get on with it! However I am now feeling that I cannot do the same level of work next year as it is a recipe for burnout. I feel that I need to take on someone else and delegate work I am going to be able to maintain my health and my dancing over the coming years. It just does not feel sustainable.

However, after 15 years working with The Ballet Pod I feel like I have come full circle and realised that the smallest most unlikely settings are where the biggest impacts can be made.

As I danced for those people in hospital I think of how much I love giving to those who are suffering. It is possible that this is because I am trying to make sense of a life of passed traumas. But I feel so strongly called to be of service.

This was the first hospital performance I had done but I felt strangely at ease within the setting. I danced well despite a concrete floor and an unconventional space.

One gentlemen became emotional during the Nutcracker pas de deux, perhaps overwhelmed by the music and the dance. But it was so special to see that later, after we had distributed our 'peace, love and hope' Christmas decorations, he was holding his decoration and looking at it intently then held it up to the crown of his head as if connecting to some spiritual force. 

Seeing people who were unwell and seeing their faces light up as I passed them was so special.

Also seeing the genuine emotion of the nurses. One of them was still becoming emotional thinking about it as we left.

For me, these are the moments I dance for. These are times I will cherish and always remember.

The child who takes your hand following a performance in a book shop

The patient's smile as you dance for them.

The audience member who wants to hug you following a performance

I would say these are the highlights of my career to date and I am proud of those highlights.

Dancing at The Linbury Theatre at The Opera House was special but I would say the moments of connection to people who would not otherwise access dance are the most treasured moments in my life.

Please note I have received consent to share these images publicly