As I explore epistemology I can see that I definitely
approach my own life and work now with mostly a sense of embodiment. I look
back and realise that I tried to control so much of my life, to be certain and
to do everything I could to ensure the outcome of something. But now I am
opening up to this idea of going with change. I think often for a ballet dancer
there are concerns about becoming too old to dance, as it generally is quite a
short career. There is a feeling of trying to hold on to technique and the body’s
ability to execute the movements. In the last few years my body and mind overcame
some extreme challenges and I believe these were interconnected completely.
But I am encouraged now to look outwards into the universe
and to some extent trust what is happening. I do hold the belief that things
happen with a divine timing, I also believe we are all interconnected and although
not particularly religious I have always felt that god is within and around us
all. I feel the presence of god like I feel the presence of the universe and
all its mysteries. Therefore, do I hold a monist view? In some things perhaps.
But I also tend to
see the mind as separate from the body and brain and this is more of a dualist
view. But this feeling holds me back I feel. It often feels like I am fighting
against my mind and that my mind is not in sync with my body. There is a
feeling of separation and I have always felt this is the factor that has held
me back the most in my life and career. This has been brought to the forefront
in the last week as I began to explore the epistemological concepts and while
catching up on the recordings of the IADMS Conference. I was particularly
interested in Russel Maliphant’s talk on Research influencing practice and
Helen Kindred’s session on ‘Embodied fundamentals: a somatic framework for
research influencing practice.’ Maliphant talked about how fascia deeply connects
the body and how ideas of tensegrity influence his practice. He also spoke
about ‘emotional anatomy’ and this is a book I am now exploring for this
module. Concepts of emotions influencing the body.
He quoted Gary Ward as saying that ‘flow occurs as the
number of restrictions to the body’s movement patterns are reduced’. I have
struggled with the flow of certain movements, my perception of how they should
feel, vs how they look and how I think they look. How do we dissect all of this
to know if we do in fact know any of this? This related to epistemology and Hegel’s ideas which I am currently exploring
in his book ‘Elements of the philosophy of Right’. I will explore some of these
in my next blog.
Helen’s session was my fist real experience of somatic
practice. I must say I believe it highlighted to some extent just how out of
sync I am with my own body. Often, I cannot feel natural movement patterns, I
am instead almost led by ‘performed movement’. This related to the idea of the ‘performed
self’ which I discussed with Honor in Module 1. I participated in half the
session but felt that I was not in a place of embodiment so I watched the 2nd
half of the recording and just absorbed the experience. Some things that Helen
said which seemed to shine were ‘a feeling of breath between the bones’ and a ‘sensing
of the skeletal architecture’. These two descriptions gave me such a feeling of
embodiment and gave way to the realisation that I do feel a disconnect to my
arms still and that I do not fully know what ‘full integration’ feels like.
I wonder if it is possible for me to reach that place within
the genre of classical ballet? I find when I improvise in the area of
neoclassical dance I do come close to this feeling. But in the classical roles
I struggle. Ballet in it’s most classic form often feels precarious.
So I am now interested to experience more somatic practice
and so I ask all my friends on here working in the Somatic field, if you can
advise me on any good online sessions or London based sessions in somatic
practice, pay as you go as my work schedule is extremely full, I would be so
grateful?
I feel it will be so
beneficial for me to explore this area further. Especially now as I am opening
up areas of wonder in relation to how trauma affects the body and if ballet can
be a healing practice and potentially help those recovering from trauma. I will
do another post on these areas of wonder.
I feel that for the first time I am able to recognise what
has been the biggest limiting factor to my practice- not feeling a full sense
of embodiment of mind, body and soul. Feeling disconnected. This feeling,
although always present since I can remember, has been worsened by trauma’s over
the years and the most challenging trauma of recovering from Long Covid still
leaves an imprint which I hope to explore through somatic practice.
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